talking to your kids about sex

Though every parent's nightmare, it's none-the-less that one ultra important conversation that every parent just has to have with their children. What? The talk about sex, puberty and sexually related nitty-gritties. Ask any child expert and they will not be able to emphasise enough on how important it is for parents to talk to their children about sex, and at an early age itself. Why? So that the misconceptions they develop about the subject, especially from peer group conversations and information gained from the Internet and television, can indeed lead to wrong notions about sex and sexuality. Children are naturally curious about their own bodies and this curiosity is healthy and normal.
Unfortunately, talking to your tiny tots about sex is never an easy task. Moreover, it's not comfortable for any of the parties involved — parents are afraid of it and children, mortified by it. That's probably the reason why this talk is often delayed, swept under the carpet or totally ignored with many parents who instead depend on teachers to do the needful. Children are an inquisitive lot and when it comes to sex, the curiosity levels zooms up quite a few notches. Hence, one cannot turn a blind eye and hope someone else does the 'dirty work'. Parents need to be proactive in talking to their children about sex. However, if done wrongly, it can either scare your child completely or just increase their curiosity even more.
"When you're talking to your child about sex, it has to be a very clinical talk, very matter of fact. Don't use any words or phrases that may indicate that it is something dirty or a taboo act. Also, don't talk about a gender bias. Avoid sentences like 'women always do this...' or 'men always do...'," says child psychologist Bela Raja.
According to her, the kind of sex talk parents have with their children depends on the age group of the child as at each different age, different things are to be said to a child.
For a child between the age group of seven to 10 years, the sex talk should emphasise on the commitment and bonding angle. "Since this is his/her first exposure to sex, talk to your child about how sex is a natural process and a part of the body. Tell them about the beauty of relationships but don't bring up the violence or rape angle," Bela advices.
If your child is aged between 10 years to 13 years, it is the right age to describe the biological facts and of course, the emotional angle. "Link your sex talk to the biological changes that they are experiencing in their body," Bela says.
For a 15 year old, however, she says, the emphasis must be on explaining the actual act of intercourse. "More importantly, explain that sex is not something to be used for any kind of gain or as a sign of power," Bela adds.
"The most important thing when talking to your child about sex is to not make it sound like a bad thing or a taboo," says child expert, Dr Nirmala Rao. According to her, most parents feel shy about talking to their children about sex thus leading to wrong concepts. "One must remember, children are very imaginative. If the concept itself is wrong, they will either get scared about sex or extra imaginative about it. Hence, be normal and casual when talking about sex. Explain, as naturally as possible, about anatomy and the related changes," she explains.
As kids grow, so does their curiosity, especially about sex. "So when your talking to your six or seven year old about his or her private parts, don't say things like 'chee, it's dirty', 'don't touch it, it's a sin'. Instead, tell them about the functions of these parts and teach them how to keep it clean just as you would tell them to wash their hands of feet," she says.
According to her, young girls need to be told about puberty and the changes it will bring in the body. "Teach them how to differentiate between a good touch and a bad touch. But don't petrify them that every man is just out to get them. For boys, meanwhile, fathers should talk to them about sexual organs, their growth and things like night emissions. When it first happens, the child may get scared or start feeling guilty. Explain to them that it is a natural growth process," she explains.
Make the talk easier Start early

You'll find it less awkward if you introduce the topic when your child is very young. More importantly, answer questions simply and naturally, don't beat around the bush and use complicated or cliched metaphors.
Use everyday situations to start conversations

TV programmes are often a good opportunity to initiate the talk about sex. You can also talk when you're doing an activity together like washing up, laundry, a jigsaw puzzle, etc. This makes your child feel that sex is a normal part of family life and not a taboo subject.
Use books or leaflets

Finding it too difficult to get into nitty-gritties? Get help. Book stores have plenty of material that tells you how. That apart, there are also books that you can get your child to read or that you can go through together.
Be prepared

There will be those difficult moments when your child will, in the oddest of places, demand for an explanation about something they see. Don't fumble. Instead, say something like 'That's a good question, but let's talk about it when we get home'. Also, make sure you do, don't lose out of a good opportunity.
Be truthful

Forget those old grandmother ways of talking about 'bees and birds', storks, etc. Stories like these will just confuse children.
Ask your child's opinion

Talk to your children and ask them what they think about certain sex related issues, especially if it's in the news. More than anything else, this tells give you a fair idea of how much they know and understand.
Don't shun the issue

Don't ignore it if your child asks you a sex related question. Moreover, don't get angry with them. This will give them an impression that it is not a topic to be spoken about.
Don't beat around the bush

If you don't know the answer, say so and tell them you'll find out and let them know. This is a far better option to bluffing them, they are bound to find out the truth sooner or later.
Source: www.timesofindia.indiatimes.com

do you know how to be street smart?

Do you know how to be street smart?

Being street smart means knowing how to keep yourself safe from strangers when you're alone or with other kids. Whether you're walking to school or to the bus, hanging out on the playground, or riding your bike in your neighborhood, being street smart helps you stay safe. When you're street smart, you know your way around, you know how handle yourself in tough situations, and you're able to "read" people.
Imagine if a baby were able to walk around alone. The baby couldn't understand a "Don't Walk" sign, wouldn't know where to go for help, and couldn't find the way back home. What's more, the baby might not know good people from bad people. The baby would be in danger.
Thank goodness you're not a baby anymore! You know your way around and you know the rules of the road. The most complicated thing to learn is how to deal with strangers. But if you follow a few rules all the time and trust your instincts, you can be really street smart.
Who Are Strangers?
When you're walking home from school, a person in a car pulls up and asks you for directions. At the park, someone says he needs you to help look for his lost puppy. These people may seem friendly, but no matter what they say to you, they have one thing in common: They're strangers.
Most strangers aren't dangerous and wouldn't do anything to hurt kids. Unfortunately, though, some strangers can be dangerous, and it's impossible to tell who's OK and who's not. A dangerous person doesn't necessarily look scary or mean — the person might look nice. That's why it's important to follow the safety rules all the time.
Make Your Whereabouts Known
The adult who's taking care of you needs to know where you are at all times. That means telling your mom or dad, grandmother, babysitter, or whoever is keeping an eye on you where you are and when you'll be coming home.
Stick With a Friend
It's more fun and safer to do things with friends. Take along a buddy when you walk to school, bike around the park, or go to the store. Traveling with a friend whenever you can is a good idea, and traveling with a bunch of kids is even better.
Pick Out Safe Spots
What are safe spots? Safe spots are places where you can stop if you need help, like the houses of kids you know, your parents' friends' houses, stores, restaurants, police stations, libraries, and fire departments. When you're walking or riding your bike, make a mental note of the safe spots along your route. That way, you'll know where they are in case you ever need one.
Avoid Places That Aren't Safe
Be sure to keep away from isolated areas. These are places where no one is around, like the woods or small, dark, streets.
Let Grown-Ups (and Only Grown-Ups) Help Strangers
It's nice to help people. But remember: Strangers should ask adults, not kids, for help.If a stranger approaches you and asks you for help — such as with giving directions, finding lost money, or searching for a runaway dog — don't help. Don't even give an answer. Right away, you should walk the other way. If you're not near a safe spot, try any store or restaurant. If you feel you're in danger, yell for help.
Stay Away From Strangers' Cars
If a stranger pulls up in a car and offers you a ride, don't get in. You probably know that rule, right? But that's not all of it. It's also important to avoid a stranger's car completely. If a stranger asks you to look in the car, don't do it. Don't agree to look in the trunk or in the back of a truck or van. Don't put your arm in the window to take something or point to something. Don't agree to come closer to see a pet or to get a toy that's offered.
If a stranger offers you a toy, some candy, a stuffed animal, or anything else, don't ever take it. Even if it's something you really want, if the offer is coming from a stranger, you should ignore the person and walk the other way.
If a stranger walks up or pulls up in a car and you're too far away to hear the person, don't go closer, even if the person waves you over. Just get away. Run the opposite way that the car is heading. Get to an adult you know, a police officer, a security guard, or one of your safe spots as fast as you can if the stranger comes toward you.
What if a stranger comes to pick you up from school, sports, dancing lessons, or the park? This is no different from any other time — a stranger is a stranger, so don't get in the car. Even if the stranger says that your parents sent him or her, or that there's an emergency and you must get in the car and go to the hospital, turn right around and tell an adult what happened. Your parents would have told you if someone else was coming to pick you up, and if an emergency really did occur, they would send someone you already know, not a stranger.
Even if the stranger knows your name, don't be fooled. There are lots of ways to find out kids' names, even when someone doesn't know them or their families. For example, do you have a jacket or a piece of jewelry that has your name on it? That's an easy way for someone to learn your name.
Make a Lot of Noise If You're Scared
You've probably been told lots of times that you should not yell. You should keep it down, be calm, or use your inside voice. When you think you might be in danger, forget all of that advice! That's the perfect time to be noisy!
If a stranger approaches you (on foot or in a car) and follows you when you try to walk away, yell for help as you run away. If a stranger ever tries to grab you, yell as loudly as you can and try to get away. You can shout things like, "Help! I don't know you!" or "Help! This isn't my dad!" People in the area will hear what's going on and help you, so make plenty of noise.
Trust Your Instincts
Kids need to follow the rules of street smarts all the time with every stranger, even if the situation seems fine. And if your instinct is telling you something is dangerous or just not quite right, get out of the area, tell an adult, or call 911. No one will think that you are silly. In fact, just the opposite — people will think that you're truly street smart!
Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD

Date reviewed: February 2007

Originally reviewed by: Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD

Source: www.kidshealth.org